It’s that time of year again – the Sun is out, and as we hurtle towards Christmas and the holidays there’s one question we all ask ourselves. Are you in shape for the beach? Is your body bikini ready? ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH?

So before you head for the sand and surf this season, why don’t you take this special , highly accurate, quiz, that has been specifically put together to help you answer these most critical of questions, ones that consume the lives, and wallets, of much of the population, and therefore must be really very important. Are you ready? :

1. Do you have a body?


2. Do you want to go to the beach?


If you answered ‘YES’ to both of these questions, then congratulations! You are bikini-ready for Summer!

It really is THAT simple.

You are ready. Despite your thighs, your cellulite, your stretch marks, your Dadbod, love handles, that you haven’t shaved your armpits all Winter, if you’re ‘almost’ at your goal weight. You are ready.

And I intend to practise what I preach, and lead by example. By just doing whatever I want, when I want to.

We’ve had an excellent start to Spring here in Chch, this year, and after a week of beautiful hot weather in the 20’s, I was suddenly overcome by the urge, on Sunday afternoon, to go for my first sea swim of the season.

I’d given it no thought other than that second when I decided it was what I wanted to do. So I put on my togs. Grabbed a towel. And drove to the beach. Within 30 minutes of getting the idea into my head, I was in the sea.

I didn’t do a juice cleanse.

I didn’t have to lose five kilos.

I didn’t shave, wax or pluck any part of my body.

I didn’t have to buy this seasons hottest swimsuit trend. You know, the ones with weird cut outs on the hips and fringing on the tits.

I didn’t have to spend $30 on some gross chemical-laden fake tan lotion, that smells of sadness and regret, and stains your new sheets.

I’m chubby, I’m pasty, my legs are prickly, I’d had nachos for lunch, and I’m wearing an old faded set of bathers that I got from Postie Plus six years ago for around $15.

I had no one to go with, no date, no friends…not even my dog likes the beach.

But guess what, I just went..and I had the most lovely, relaxing, time. It helped clear my head, make me feel invigorated, and no one gave a damn about my beach body.

If you want to go to the beach, then you ARE beach ready.

No if’s or but’s.

Just do it.

I’ll say it again – it’s that simple.

Because floating in that cool natural ocean, like you weigh no more than a leaf, with the sun shining down on your bare shoulders, and the breeze on your face…well that’s far more life-giving and happiness-`making than what any spray tan, detox, or smooth legs will give you.

If you wait for the ‘right time’ the ‘perfect moment’ you’ll never make it into the water. It’ll be Autumn before you know it. So who gives a shit? Just go.

Trust me, you are good enough, just as you are, right this minute.


BIKINI TOP: Postie Plus, about six years ago, from the sale rack


PALE, STUBBLY, BUT TOTALLY BODACIOUS LEGS: Mine, brought to you by feta cheese and potatoes

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